mood: dorky

I think ive left it a week or two  or maybe even three without writing so I have some things to write down.
Before half term I got a water infection, and then an allergic reaction to the antibiotics i was on - the joy. so much pain! any one who has never had a water infection, you are so incredibly lucky! I got different antibiotics anyways, after that. 
Over the half term I went skiing with andrew and family, and I really enjoyed it. The first day was really solid and i was about ready to give up, but andrew stood by me pushing me on, giving me motivation - motivation that i needed. By the end of the day I could manage it fine, and the second day of skiing was fab. on the thursday we went to inverness shopping, although i didnt really purchase anything. And then on the night andrew and I went out for a meal, it wasnt romantic or anything although he did say some really nice things that made me smile :) and then we went out to sample the delights of aviemores night life which I much add, isnt much at all!
After almost a week with andrew i didnt reckon he'd want to see me much if at all at the weekend, but surprisingly i saw him on saturday night, and he stayed at my house. It was really good/nice. Even if he did fall out with me for a while because i made him smell coffee! eesh what a nut. Sooo that monday, I was back at college. Ive been working solidly in my frees which is surprising even me! And, even more suprisingly, i enjoy it. I get a buzz off studying!
Last night I went bowling on a double date, me andrew louise and jonny. That was also a good night! I thought that someone had weed in my bowling shoes - it was just shoe freshener. Andrew and Jonny decided, being boys, that they would give each of us a name to make up a word on the bowling computer screen. So:
Jonny was     Fiona
Andrew was  Andrew
I was               Rita
And louise,    Terrence
So you can see what word that made up! hah! it was hilarious. I also fell down a ramp - i thought that was impossible?
Despite this, I got three strikes in the first game with a grand total of 112 points. Andrew however, forgetting to inform me that he was a pro bowler, got 140, with the sides down. Eeessh. Shows me up at every sport!
After the bowling we went to the sportsman, this was at about 10pm. Some of the class people were still there though, including phil who was so incredibly smashed that he couldnt get over the fact that I had appeared and kept saying that I had made his day!
Welll i cant really make all of this sound interesting, Sooo i reckon ill be off to catch some sleep since i didnt get to bed until late last night!
Au revior,
Lu x x x x

mood: pensive music: what katie did - the libertines

My eyes are red sore from crying frantically. I don’t even understand how I got so emotional over something so foolish, so childish.
Issue number 1:
My friends are getting to me a bit at the moment. Fair enough, a bit of banter, a bit of a piss take. but when its constant, and things which arent even funny. It gets to me a bit. I'll admit, Im probably quite over sensitive but I dont enjoy being the joke constantly. Feeling a bit like I cant rely on many people, feel like I cant wait for the holidays so i can sort myself out and everything will get back to normal as alot of people have commented on how ive been different recently. Ive been quite angry today and freaked myself out at my anger when tonight i threw something across the table.
Issue number 2:
Isnt really an issue. I just miss the time when andrew used to want to talk to me alot, when he used to text me just to ask me how i was and how my day had been. When id stay at his til 3 in the morning just cuddled up and talking. When everything was exciting. As much as I sound like a wimp, I do miss that, but then I guess its something you have to accept when youve been going with someone a long time. Everything loses its magic, and it doesnt matter how nice the guy is. Im slowly getting attached and holding back, because i dont know if he feels the same or not. He claims he does, but sometimes hes so insensitive i cant really tell. thats another thing, I wish that when Im upset, he would at least try to understand instead of taking the tone that obviously im overreacting and that if theres been an argument its my fault just because im female. All i want is a bit of comfort, for him to show me that he cares. Am I asking too much? I dont know.
Issue number 3:
my little sister. I have a world of respect for her, ive never beaten her, I stick up for her, I lend her my things, I help her out. what do i get in return? her walking all over me treating me like shit, not respecting me at all - infact the complete opposite. I dont think she actually cares one bit. She enraged  me tonight, ma said she was worried about me so i told her how i felt and emily butted in with something completely different claiming 'it was all about me' - when i get the tiniest bit of attention she feels jelous. spoilt child.
Thats all there is to it. Sometimes I get a bit sick of being me - that old tiresome cliche that noone understands me fully. But truely, thats how I feel. I feel theres some things deep down which noone knows about me and noone seems to understand where im coming from most of the time. Lost in translation, although we speak the same language. I have an easy life in comparision to other people, but how I wish it was easier sometimes. x x x

mood: cold music: people talking

Its the 20th of december and 5 days to go until christmas!
When i left the house this morning it looked magical. My path, and the road were completely covered in frost that sparkled in the early morning light and reminded me of icing sugar, as though someone had just sprinkled it all over the town. It made me smile, I love cold winter mornings like this.
When air escapes your mouth like smoke because it is so incredibly cold. When you have to sit infront of the fire with a hot cup of tea just so you can get warm. I absolutely love it.
I remember when I was younger when my ma used to say "oh, looks like jack frost came to visit last night" and Id get so excited imagining a little elf-like man covering the ground with silver sparkles and warning me that christmas was just around the corner. And now it is.
Sooo now lets get down to the craic.
We're going for chinese on friday to celebrate the end of the term.  It should be good but at the same time Im a bit annoyed, because of some dirty first years.
We invited square (good friend) and squares lover. Squares lover then told a load of first year friends and we thought they were all going to come too so we booked a table just incase we couldnt eat. Then
Square told me yesterday that his lover hadnt told everyone about it and it was david who had told the ginger boy who asked me about it on the bus last week. So I was like.. fair dues, Louise was booking a table anyways to make sure we could eat there. Then
Louise overheard square + lover talking on the bus home last night and they were talking about the whole chinese thing and squares lover was all "Ive invited lots of people but I dont think any of them are going now because they dont love me" and then some random boy said "I heard they were booking a table so only they can sit there" - I dont know how he found that out but he did somehow. So square replied "Lucy didnt know how many people were going so she just booked for 10 people" the liar. I didnt book anyways louise did. Anyway they were looking over at our table and giving us funny looks this morning. I was soooo tempted to say something but I never. I might though if they keep on doing it today. 
Mmmm so yes. Right now Im sat in the atrium attempting english coursework although im having a mental block at the moment. I had a really nice hash brown sandwich for breakfast. Did I mention it was nice? anyways.. im sure you wanted to know that. 
So now im off.. to actually do some work. Ill keep you informed on the happenings
christmas cheer and all that malarky,
Lulu x 

mood: anxious music: the television

Welll today has been a weird day.
I woke up feeling so incredibly depressed and upset, but I have no idea why.
I went to the doctors to try and find out whats wrong with me - because of the tonisilitous almost abscess that I had in october. It turns out my tonsils and glands are still big, even though they dont hurt anymore. The doctor couldnt seem to work out why! Was quite amusing.. like.. the expert in a state of confusion. And me - some unsolved mystery. I also found it a tad on the ironic side, it being me and all.
He asked me abuot my glandular fever results and I told him that they came back negative. He sat stroking his chin thoughtfully for a bit longer and then said I should have some more blood tests (great) The woman proper bruised my arm as well because she didnt do it properly! esssh
He also told me my haemoglobin saturation is a bit lower than normal. probably due to the fact that I dont eat meat. And that I might want to consider having my tonsils out :|
Im also a tad worried because...

• I came off the pill
• My immediate period came
• A month and a bit on and my next period hasnt arrived yet
• Ive done a preggers test to be sure - it came back negative
• But im worried still incase something has gone wrong
• Ive never wanted my period so badly
• Why did I ever come off the pill in the first place?

Sooo.. that was the start to the day. Tea/coffee free was great with the girlies - we do it every monday 4th period. I love having a little chat with the girls now and again. It really cheers me up especially on days like today!
Weelll there isnt much to write really, just thought I would inform you of my trip to the doctors. I have to go back to see the doctor in about two weeks to see if my tonsils have gone down and what my blood results tell me! but that will be after christmas now :O:O
OMG CHRISTMAS!! I CANNOT WAIT AT ALL! 
I have wrapped some presents already!
Annnnd only 9 more days at college! ( 14 days in all til crimbo day)
We're having chinese on the last day of college as well so that should be good
Eee well look at the time I must be off!
Until the near future,
Lu x

mood: thoughtful music: the steady hum of the computer & the click of keys as I type

so its 15 to 12 and im absolutely worn out! just thought I would leave a little blog, since i havent written in a while and I felt like updating before i disappeared for my beauty sleep! Andrew said something tonight and it made me think about how people perceive me as a person. He said that I never look scum, like I just cant be bothered. But the truth is, when he said that, I was exactly in that state.. and it seemed he couldnt see it. So this brought a question to mind - in society of today, do we judge ourselves too harshly? I have to say.. I think so. Theres so much pressure on looking good, being skinny, being 'fit', keeping up with fashion, that maybe we forget who we are and care more about what others think. I have to admit, I think I fit in that catagory easily, Im too easily moved by what other people think and say about me. 
Anyway enough of this silly deep stuff that makes no sense what so ever!
Ive had yet another good weekend, considering that I didnt think last weekend could be topped. 
Last weekend
I went to Alishas house for a 'couples' night.  Andrew obv. came with me, and then there was also david & jen, sarah & herd and of course Alisha & Stephen. It was fabulous, and I was so wrecked off my head it was a laugh. I cant remember much of what we talked about but we all bonded to the max and some funny shizzle went down. On the way back at like 1 in the morning we dumped a huge binbag of bottles in a field randomly, and i got covered in mud because i walk like a spazz.  I stopped at Andrews house that night, and lets just say, I didnt sleep much..
I spent saturday recovering, and doing work, and shopping. I also had a few hours kip accidently - which I was rather annoyed at considering I was trying to watch columbo! I absolutely love that program soooo much, if youve never watched it, youre missing out. Its about a detective (columbo) who everyone thinks is proper stupid and ignorant, but then he solves all these crimes and is like HA in your face! hes brill. And just because its an old program noone gives it a chance! anyway... moving on... after my few hours kip, i got ready and then went to liz's house for a girly sleepover including the kj crew, who i hardly get to see. Once again it was brilliant, and proves you dont need alcohol to have fun! we danced, and sung, and messed around, and mocked each other, and most importantly laughed and smiled. A good night was had by all. We didnt sleep til about 3 or 4 or something as well so by sunday i was well out of it!
This weekend
Went around andrews on friday again, played darts (surprisingly I was winning for most of the game, and he thought i was cheating since i had to do the maths!) and I ended up staying the night. Snuggled up in his bed and fell asleep together :)
Then today I went down town with David to try and finish off my crimbo shopping. I didnt get it completed but Ive knocked a few people off the list now :D. I cant believe hes spent like £50 on his girlfriends crimbo present when theyve been going out for like a total of 2 months! eee. Ive been with andrew almost 10 months now, and ive spent half the amount of money, and only because i realised he'd need something else with what I already had purchased! its mad. David spent like over £130 on his last gfs crimbo present as well! 
Anyway.. after our little mooch, I copped a lift home with my parents who were picking up my little sis from my ex place of work anyway (she has my job now, UNLUCKY!!) and came home for some tea, which might I add, was lovely. My pa's pasta sauce on a jacket potato with cheese! mmmm! scrumcious!
Then I went up to andrews for a bit again. He was well out of it, so I was looking after him. Its nice just to chill sometimes, and not have to do anything. That was like tonight really. I feel completely relaxed around him its unreal. Which leads me to now.. just after I got a lift home in his racing green, petrol-smelling, checkered interior mini. 
Im content. And I hope it stays that way.

College breaks up for christmas in 2 weeks! I cannot wait so badly, its unbelievable. Need to get invites sorted for my 18th birthday celebrations as well. oooooh! the excitement. 
Well I can hardly keep my eyes open now, so I reckon its time for me to say goodnight, and adios amigos!
Keeping you informed with unimportant information,
Lucy bax   x x